The C Word: College
Happy Friday everyone! J
This week has seemed to last forever, and I think this is due to the fact that I have been pretty busy and a little stressed at times.
Overall, it has not been a bad week, though; I am super excited that it is the weekend.
I’m looking forward to a marathon shopping trip with my Momma tomorrow. We are heading to a bigger mall with lots more options that is roughly two hours away tomorrow looking for me a homecoming outfit. We have literally dissected every possible store in a thirty mile radius of where I live with no luck!
This weekend, I also have some things to get done concerning school. These things definitely aren’t near as fun, but you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do right? I have some studying, homework, and applications to work on. The fact that whenever my mom and I sit down to look at scholarship applications, etc., we just end up looking on Pinterest for an embarrassingly long time. This brings me to realize that it is kind of weird that I have barely mentioned a subject that I spend so much time thinking about, obsessing about, worrying over, and trying to making decisions about.
I apologize if this post is a little too heavy for a Friday evening, but it is something that I think I will feel better if I write about and post. I realize that the majority of you reading this have been through this and may think that some of my thoughts and worries are a bit naïve and puerile, or that I am worrying too much, but hey, that is what I’m supposed to be like, right?
Attending college is something that is extremely, extremely important to me. Both my parents are first generation college graduates, so their success is inspiring, and I strive to exceed their hopes and dreams for me. Because college is so important to me, this leads me to worry about it. I worry about it a lot. I feel like there are so many options presented to me, that I feel like I have lost control, even though I am the only one who actually has control of my future.
I received some really good advice from a friend who is a year older than me. This is what the advice was –
“In the end, the people who love you want what is best for you and they want you to be happy, so pick what makes you happy. Put some thought about them into the decision, but make sure that you center this decision around you. As selfish as it sounds, it is true. College means the start of your individual life, and it will build you into the person you become as an adult.”
This was one of the best pieces of advice I have received. I think that it is so true. I only have one problem with it.
I do not know how to be unselfish, and decide what I really want, because I have such a strong desire to make other people happy, and I want the people I love to remain a large part of my life.
There is a university that I am extremely likely to attend next year. It is within short driving distance of my home and is in my state. I have been a part of this university since before I could walk. I have followed this college’s sports teams. I have visited many times and own a wardrobe full of its colors. I will likely qualify for scholarships at this school that, paired with in state tuition, will cover the majority of my college expenses.
I want to go to this university, but in the back of my mind, I keep wondering if I should explore something else. If I should take a shot in the dark, and try to move a fair distance away from my home, and go for a completely new experience, leaving everything I know behind me. I am applying to a “far reach” university. This school is an Ivy, and has an extremely low acceptance rate, and very high prices. It is unrealistic to assume that I would get in with enough financial aid, and I know this. If a miracle happens and I would somehow receive a full ride to attend this university, I would be thrilled, and extremely excited to be presented with such an opportunity. On the other hand, this thought scares me. What if an out of state, far away school does offer me everything I am looking for?
The thought of moving away scares me to death, but it is also an invigorating thought. I would be in a completely new place, surrounded by new people. I could be whoever I wanted to be. I could reinvent myself.
Wait a second, do I need to reinvent myself? Who would I become if I did? The worries in the back of my head continue to multiply…
It would be so fun to move away, especially to a more metropolitan area. It would be an honor to be accepted by a more “prestigious” university. But is this what I want? Deciphering what I want is the hardest thing I have been faced with. I then worry about what happens when I do get to college. Will relationships I have built now fizzle away? Will I be as close with my family? Will I be able to stay true to my morals? Will I gain the freshman 15 and forget all about my interest in all this nutrition stuff and become unhealthy and lazy? Will I be able to keep close to perfect grades? What if I don’t understand my classes?
And deciding what I want to do with my life and what I study in college? Now that is a whole other post entirely…